Posted in Poems

Babysitter Blues

I volunteer to be the little child!

I suck on my fat like a thirsty man in the desert.
My ring, give it to me!

Wipe my butt
for four hours.

Oh dear,
you’re not good enough.


Posted in Poems


He’s got the dopamine fix:
with consulting, he’s got connections.

A really reliable dude.

I just need two bags, yea, just two.
He just sticks her in a cab:
fuckin faaaaaaantastic.


Posted in Poems


It’s from a bit by my favourite comedian, you know the one:

there’s a girl and
her name is Joy and she likes bees.

She has like, a hundred boyfriends;
I don’t have time to verify every detail.

Yea so if this is her, I’m angled like this
(I can’t believe he’s fucking her.)

That octopus is a sly guy.